Dieting, Eleven Times Two

Day Eight: The home stretch

This morning didn’t start off well. Upon gathering up my supplies for the day and checking I had all the things on the Clean 9 checklist (still relying on it – although not nearly as much), I discovered that I was one scoop short on my protein powder. Well done Forever Living, I’ve measured this out to the bastard letter for the past week and you give me ONE LESS SCOOP! Why? WHY? I am SO close to the end of this, and you just decide to go “fuck you Shelly – no breakfast for you on Day Nine” *evil laugh* Wicked. Nice one.

Somewhat miffed, I set out to work and had recovered from my initial grouch when the bag I have been using to lug all my protein measures, water, free foods and tubs of carefully measured out Aloe gave up the ghost on me in the middle of Grand Central Station in Birmingham. As it fell to the ground with a thud, I rolled my eyes skywards (such restraint for 8am on a Monday morning) and gathered it all up to carry it around in my arms like the Americans do in the movies. I looked far less cool than them tho, I reckon ‘addled bag lady’ was the vibe I was emanating in droves, to be honest.

Once onboard train number two, I checked for damage and wondered why half of my protein shake (and food source that was to last me till 1pm) had somehow disappeared into the bottom section – which contained the portion for my lunch.


I waited until I got to work (clever) before opening it at my desk to see what had happened (not so clever). You can probably picture the scene – as the last remnants of protein shake on the penultimate day of this cleanse flamboyantly pirouetted out of the bottom of the (smashed – obviously) shaker ALL OVER the office floor. Double fuck.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *emits small whimper*

Cleaning up protein shake first thing on a Monday morning whilst my stomach rumbled wildly away like some kind of satiric accompanying theme tune is NOT the way I wanted to start my week – but me being me, the only thing to do was see the funny side (and hot foot it to Tesco for two boiled eggs in a pot!)

Aside from this, today was the first day I woke up STARVING hungry, last night I very nearly caved, as the craving for honey on toast, beans on toast… toast on toast became almost overwhelming. How did I overcome it? I ate a teaspoon of peanut butter. *inserts side-eye emoji* That’s the closest I’ve come to ‘cheating’ during this whole debacle, and I still went ‘healthy’!

As Clean 9 draws to a close I’m getting less restrictive, I’ve lost another lb and another 2 inches since Friday (so 3 days) and the importance of hitting my quota of calories is becoming more and more important, especially as I work out far harder, and far more frequently than the programme suggests… and also because, you know, my main calorie intake for the day resulted in a puddle of misery on dark oak laminate before 9am.

As it’s Monday, I like to make sure I get a workout in to start the week off right, so I gathered up my kettlebell and hand weights (which are laughable in comparison to what I’ve been lifting at the gym, but you have to work with what you’ve got right?) and did this workout video from Fitness Blender on YouTube (another favourite channel). They’re not wrong when they say it’s brutal – and 15 mins in I was thankful that I only had puny weights!

So I have one day left (sans protein shake) and I’m feeling, well to put it one way… ‘alive’. I feel better than I have in a very long time. I have seemingly boundless energy, I’ve shrunk substantially (I’m looking at this as a platform to now put on muscle mass properly and get my weight back up healthily) and I have a spring in my step that coincides beautifully with today – the official first day of Spring.

Here is to the last day tomorrow, already having dinner plans on Wednesday and the start of a health and fitness journey I desperately needed the kick up the ass to embark on.

Cheers Clean 9, you’ve done exactly what it said on the tin. I’m going to carry on with all the good habits you have taught me, and look very much forward to the summer and a healthier, stronger, far more bouncy (especially ‘dat ass’) Shelly.